Why the Feedback Culture at Work is Problematic.

I could probably write an entire book on this topic. Or perhaps there is going to be an entire chapter devoted to this topic in my upcoming book.

Feedback at work is complicated

This rampant feedback culture in many workplaces today is killing creativity,  thwarting innovation and adversely impacting diversity and inclusion goals. This is not because giving feedback is wrong, but because feedback is being used by leaders to maintain their power and control, enforce conformity and suppress those who challenge them.

Have you ever received critical feedback from your manager without having an involuntary physiological reaction to it, where your body raises its defenses and becomes fully alert against perceived threat? You immediately get that tingling feeling in your gut, that rush of adrenaline, the feeling of just wanting to run away or lash out your defenses?

 Turns out it's a pretty normal instinctive reaction as our reptile brain is activated in response to the attack.  Yet, we pretend it is not normal. When we give feedback, we expect our employees to suck it up, suppress this physiological reaction and embrace the feedback culture regardless of how unskilled or poor intentioned the feedback giver may be. 

We expect all our employees to be self-aware, emotionally resilient, and self confident from day one. We expect them to be prepared and receive our feedback like a yogi breathing into it , calming down the nervous system and dissociating their self worth from the judgement that is being passed on to them. WE forget however, that feedback is after all just that- a judgement, one person's opinion on someone else, a one-sided perception of what happened.

In the past decade the feedback culture has spread like wildfire, being adopted widely across corporate cultures and being connected to employee’s performance reviews and career advancement. In some cases it's a deliberate policy promoted by HR and through leadership training but in many places the culture spreads organically. Employers are picking up the ideology from mainstream thought leaders, or from previous employers  and passing it down to their new colleagues. In many workplaces this culture propagates without  adequate training and no assessment of whether this type of culture is actually effective in improving performance. 

Quick disclaimer, I am not denouncing all types of feedback. In certain situations  it is your job to give feedback: for example if you are a teacher editing a paper, you want to give feedback on structure and writing of the paper, or you may hire someone to give you feedback and advice e.g. a driving instructor. In these situations you are seeking guidance, there is consent and it's towards a particular skill you want to improve. Same is true if you are new in your project management role, and you ask someone to mentor you to guide you through it and share their experience. That is completely appropriate.

I am challenging a particular type of workplace culture, where people of authority, leaders and  managers, feel entitled to dole out feedback, critical feedback to those that report to them. In such a culture there is high pressure to give feedback, and those who don’t are labelled as being dishonest or weak. If you the feedback receiver get defensive or emotional,  you are labeled as non resilient and not open to growth. 

Advocates of feedback culture will argue that this is about creating an environment where everyone is able to give feedback regardless of their role.  While this sounds good in theory, it's rarely the case in practice. Managers often skip the long and tedious road of creating trust in the team which is crucial to a healthy feedback culture and jump directly to feedback giving. If you don't have deep trust in your teams and employees feel unsafe, team members with less authority will hold back on feedback, and it becomes a one way street. 

Kim Scott, an executive from Google and Apple, writes in her book Radical Candor that the first step towards establishing a healthy feedback culture as a boss is to start by receiving feedback. Ask for feedback first so you can get a taste of what it feels like. However, before the team can start giving you honest feedback, you need to build a safe and trusting work environment. If the team is new, you haven't really developed trust with your team, it is unlikely they will  get much valuable feedback. Building a trusting and safe environment is the most foundational job of a leader, yet it is an aspect that most managers neglect.

It is a good book from Kim but I believe it is missing an entire chapter on what kind of feedback is ok and without that guidance I am afraid that people are spewing their judgements left and right.  Leaders get so giddy about giving feedback, finally they get to tell their employees off on something they personally find annoying. They are so focused on what they say that they don’t open up for dialogue, or listen to the other perspective.  In many cases the feedback is about getting an issue that is bothering them off their chest. They feel so much better when they are able to let you know that what you do bothers them- so you can fix it. Fix yourself to meet their preference. That way they dont have to deal with their own deficiencies or reflect on why they get so bothered in the first place. 

Furthermore, this sense of entitlement that managers feel to give feedback all the time on every little detail, disproportionately impacts diverse employees. Employees who do not fit the stereotype, who think and do things differently bear the brunt of this feedback culture.  Using feedback to try to fix people to be more like oneself, or more like the star player in the team puts pressure on anyone who is different to conform to a certain way of being. They are told over and over again to conform, to be like everyone else, because that is normal around here.  They will pick at every thing that makes this person unique, the reason why we brought them in the first place, and eventually crush their spirit so they stop being who they are.Eventually they feel like they do not belong and they end up leaving. 

Advocates of feedback culture stress that feedback needs to come from a place of love, where you care deeply about that person. Yet, you can care deeply about a person and still be wrong with your feedback. You may still be coming from your own very limited perspective and your own desire for everyone to be like you. You cannot assume on their behalf that what you consider to be useful will actually be useful to them. 

So what am I proposing?

I am not denouncing feedback all together, infact as part of Agile Leadership, feedback is crucial. Being able to openly talk about what is working and not working is essential to a high performing team. However, for feedback to be effective, you need to invest in relationships, you need to make room for dialogue and be open to being challenged.  

Here are some of my agile leadership tips on feedback

• Get to know your team individually. What are their dreams and ambitions and what areas they would like to grow in? Feedback needs to be specific to each individual and it should be not about you and your comfort but how you can help them unleash their potential.

• Feedback conversations need to be a dialogue where you are genuinely curious about their perspective. Make space for a dialogue instead of passing down judgements.

• Avoid judgements that are solely based on your perspective, who you are and your own metrics for success and performance. Ask yourself, are you trying to make that person more like you? 

• Don’t give feedback on someone’s personality. Make it about the work, not the person.

• Always ask if they want feedback or advice from you first

• Be specific. Avoid being generic - talk about a specific incident that happened instead of making generic statements like ‘ You are always late to meetings.’

• Focus on positive feedback, there is extensive research showing that negative feedback rarely leads to improvement and that positive reinforcement works better for overall performance (An example is this study done by a doctorial candidate at  Harvard Business School)

In fact, feedback culture, is often solely focused on improvement feedback and things that a person might be doing really well are ignored. We assume people know already what they are good at, so not worth mentioning. In fact, this was an important lesson for me from Kim Scott’s Book. Anytime, I find myself admiring a colleague, I make sure I mention it to them right away in a very specific way. For example ‘I appreciated how calmly you handled the discussion when you were challenged on your analysis, it showed that you have really thought through your work and are open to discussing how we can make it better.’

To be honest, I don't think I have figured out the whole feedback thing yet. But there is something about the pride of feedback culture that makes me cringe. In practice, I see people of authority using feedback as an excuse to push people down. It comes from a place of ego where we think we know better. I can help fix this person. Feedback is not about fixing people. It should be a healthy dialogue where judgement is kept at bay. And that is super hard for people.